If I weren’t a dentist, I would be broke

An article by Brad    No Comments

And not for the obvious reasons.  You see my child has a peculiar collection going.  He loves toothbrushes.  He has about ten of them at any given time.  They come and they go.  Sometimes he’ll leave one on the floor, where the dog will find it and proceed to destroy it.  Sometimes one will simply disappear, presumably into the same blackhole that eats my socks.  And when he loses one, he wants another.

Months ago, he would spy my toothbrush sitting next to the sink while he bathed and demand it.  And if I didn’t give it to him, he would throw a fit in the bath.  So I would give it to him.  I quickly learned that I needed to keep my brush safely tucked awayinn the medicine cabinet where he couldn’t see it.  It worked for a while; out of sight out of mind.  But one day, while in the bath, he looked up at the cabinet and pointed a finger and said, “Want toothbrush”.  And I promptly told him i didn’t have any.  He obviously didn’t believe me because he continue to point his finger and ay, “In there.”  So, admitting defeat at the hands of a two year old, I opened up the cabinet and revealed my new green toothbrush.  he took it with glee.  “Daddy’s toothbrush,” he screamed, and proceeded to violently brush his teeth.

I am always careful to keep my toothbrushes out of sight.  While he know they are there, he is less likely to ask for it if he can’t see it.

He’s taken about twenty toothbrushes from me in the past several months, and he carries them around the house like toothbrushes, proudly proclaiming, “Daddy’s toothbrushes”, every couple of hours or so.  He’ll brush with all of them in a five minute time span, lining them up on the floor and using each one in order until he gets to the last one, his own small orange toothbrush.

He doesn’t hate his own toothbrush.  I guess he just likes daddy’s toothbrushes.  Thankfully, we order them in bulk at the office, and I always have a handful in reserve at home so when he steals mine, I won’t be left empty handed.

Once I tried to retrieve a stolen toothbrush, but Nathan had managed to destroy it in less than three hours.  I’ve had toothbrushes for a full six months which displayed less bristle wear and bend than what my son is capable of inflicting in less than a day.

Eventually, when a brush becomes too disgusting, I’ll throw it away.  But Nathan always knows, and those are the times he inevitably points at the medicine cabinet and asks for Daddy’s toothbrush.

Now, as dental professional, I can not endorse any child walking around with a toothbrush in his mouth.  It is a very dangerous practice.  So don’t let your children do it.  As the old proverb says: Do as I say, not as I allow my child to do.

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